I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
