I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
