I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
