babies were throwing up all over the place
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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