Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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