Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
