I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
