I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
