He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
