What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
