remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
