I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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