mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
