i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
