Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
