it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
