If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
