she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
