You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
