i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
