He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
