I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
