We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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