I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
