We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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