Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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