Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
foreskin is a definite game changer
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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