pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
