By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
