How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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