I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
