I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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