Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
