Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
