I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she smelled like a LAN party
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
