I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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