So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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