You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
is wine microwaveable?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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