As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
