I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
