I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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