I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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