I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm both gender and math confused
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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