It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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