She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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