I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
