he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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