Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
