i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
