So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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