I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
