then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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