I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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