plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize