Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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