Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
