it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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