There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
