WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
