sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
