Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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