I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Holy sore nipples Batman
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
