I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
