I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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