Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
